You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
