i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
