Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
