The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
