heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
