What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
