It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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