I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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