He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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