i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
