Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
