Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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