I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
