i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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