His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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