My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
