I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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