I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
