How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
