Porn is love you can see.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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