3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
