She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
