Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
