He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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