why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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