3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
