I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
