dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
