Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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