i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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