My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
