She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize