If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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