I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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