My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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