living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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