4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
