Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
