apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
