Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
