Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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