you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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