i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is Oprah even human
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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