No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
