Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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