Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
