Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
