So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
