Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
