oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
