honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
