there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Randomize
