Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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