remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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