My sheets look like a crime scene.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
