Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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