Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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