Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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