the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
