my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
