you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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