My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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