My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
