I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
