That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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