Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
