You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
