He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
