Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your dad touched me again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
