So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
