I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just googled if crying burns calories
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
