I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
