Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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