the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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