I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
