I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
