ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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