Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
