watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
