i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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