My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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